Well, it seems that our President said, “I screwed up,” if you can believe the newspapers. Reading this got me to thinking about Euphemisms, Bad Words, and Dirty Words—which are, of course, all different, and have different rules.

Euphemisms include words like “screw,” I think. Although, some would say that “screw” can stand alone as a Bad Word. I am not sure. Other Euphemisms, like “frig,” can apparently be used safely, even by small children. Bad Words include all cuss words, an “s” word that I use often (and appropriately), as well as “hell,” unless you have already included that as a cuss word.  This category also has a couple words that I think of as Really Bad Words, that I won’t say, but are just fine to a lot of people.

As a rule, Bad Words can be used by performers, actors, politicians from New York, Chicago, or New Jersey, anyone in the army, and William F. Buckley. Bad Words are also available to mothers 3 days a month. The “f” word can either be a Bad Word or a Dirty Word depending on the context. Think versatility. Dirty Words are generally the easiest to sound out, and appear to be coined by a 5 year old, which is good for those who want to look them up to use in a sentence.

Sometimes, though, Dirty Words are not in the dictionary. No problem, you can always find them on the Internet. Interestingly, if you consider spelling alone, the “f” word should definitely be included as a Dirty Word, since it is easily pronounced by children all over the world, even those who communicate by clicks. One word that defies categorization is “sucks,” everybody’s favorite. Maybe Bad, but not Dirty? Hard to say, unless, of course, you consider its literal meaning.

In defense of Euphemisms and Bad Words, (somebody else can defend Dirty Words) they can be extremely practical. They usually get right to the point, keenly express a feeling or frustration, and are rarely misunderstood. And I guess that is what our President was trying to do, make himself clear. Although, we probably would have gotten it if he had just said, “I made a mistake, well, actually two.”

And speaking of the newspapers, I got an email from the Examiner.com about me (my?) writing an online column on “Unemployment.” How do I feel about this? I don’t know. First of all, I may be unemployed, but I don’t know a thing about unemployment since that somehow implies advice, statistics, or something. Secondly, I am afraid that certain topics or characteristics of my writing might invite a tiny bit of censorship. Finally, let’s talk about the money. It seems the “columnists” are paid by the view—not per 1 view, per 1000 views. Ok, mmmm, how does that work?  This blog, for example, in the one month that I have been writing, has had about 300 views, as far as I can tell. That means that, in Examiner money, I would have earned about $3. Sound third-worldish? Actually, working in a third world country, I’d probably get a raise, and maybe, I could learn to cuss in clicks, too.